Sex101
Chapter Nine
Willow turned over and punched her pillow, trying to make it more comfortable to sleep on. It was after three in the morning and she was still awake, listening to the soft sounds Buffy made in her sleep.
Kissing Spike had been crazybadwrong.
What had she been thinking? She hadn't been thinking at all, that was the problem! When he kissed her, it was just… thrilling. No, no - insane.
What had he been thinking?
She turned again and tried to get in a more comfy position. She had to get her mind ordered or she'd never fall asleep.
What if Buffy had seen them? What if she'd walked in to get Spike to help with something and had seen them sitting there kissing?
What if Oz had been the one to walk in? That was impossible because Oz was gone. Gone for good. She wasn't Oz's girl anymore. How could it be that Spike seemed to want her when even Oz didn't? Spike seemed to think it was Oz's fault but Willow knew that it couldn't be - Oz had been perfect - well, nearly perfect. She must have been doing something wrong and he'd been too much of a gentleman to say.
The lessons had been such a good idea. Why did Spike have to go and ruin it with talk about getting physical? But maybe if they did, he'd see what was wrong and be able to tell her. But no, that way only led to badness.
Maybe. Possibly. Probably. But it would be fun and exciting too. Why couldn't she be the one to have fun and exciting every once in a while?
Because she was the good girl, that's why. Because she was the one who did all her homework ahead of time and never complained when people asked her to do things. She was still Old Reliable.
Why couldn't she have fun sometimes?
Because a relationship with Spike might be fun, but it would still be crazybadwrong.
She was sure she was going to turn down Spike's offer, but thoughts kept nagging at her. She wouldn't be unfaithful to anyone if she agreed; Oz had left her, not the other way around.
He'd been the one to be unfaithful. He'd been the one to leave. He'd been the one to call Devon to pack up the rest of his things. He'd done it all; she'd stayed just where she was supposed to and waited.
And waited. While hope just drizzled away.
And now there was Spike.
Spike really seemed to know what he was taking about with the lessons. The lesson on how erotic candle wax could feel still gave her tingles up her spine. But she couldn't do more. Couldn't get involved with Spike. Couldn't let him sweet talk her - or kiss her - into agreeing that this was a good idea. Spike was the enemy - or had been up until recently.
Okay, so he hadn't killed her and Xander when he had the chance. And he hadn't hired anyone to kill Buffy now that the chip was out. He could still be master of Sunnydale if he wanted to - he could still hurt demons, so taking command was no problem for him.
But he didn't seem to want to. He seemed to be content to help Buffy kill the demons that she needed to kill to keep Sunnydale safe.
Willow turned over again and kicked off the covers; it was too hot in here, that was the problem. It may be early April, but the air was still and hot, too hot for her fuzzy Elmo pajamas anyway.
She rose and changed into a lighter nightgown, then got back into bed. Now she'd get some sleep.
But -
It had been hard letting Oz go. She knew, or told herself that she did, that this was for the best. This was something Oz had to do and if he had to do it far from her then that was what he had to do. But she had expected him to come back. She didn't expect that anymore.
It had been five months now and if he had planned on coming back, she would have gotten a phone call or an email - something - from him in all this time.
But no, there wasn't a single word; his parents didn't even know where he was anymore.
The last she had heard was New Orleans.
The wind picked up and blew a pleasant breeze in through the window. She wrapped herself up in the blanket again.
So she'd have to adjust to life without Oz. She could do that now; Spike had helped her see that.
Spike. It kept coming back to Spike. Spike, the one who had told her that making love only three times in seven months wasn't necessarily her fault. Spike, the one who had kissed her and made her feel womanly and special. Spike, the one who wanted their lessons to be more physical.
No, she couldn't do that. No matter how much she was tempted.
Temptation. That should be a four letter word.
She looked at the clock and it was after five. She really needed some sleep if she was going to go to class tomorrow - today.
She started counting backward from one hundred and it took her until forty six to get to sleep.
* * * * * * * *
The Bronze was noisy and crowded and Willow was doing her best to avoid Spike's glare. She'd noticed him when they came in but she couldn't leave without Buffy and Riley wanting to know why. She was hoping she could stay an hour and then claim she had studying to do.
She'd kept herself busy, even dancing with a couple of girls from her Wicca group just so she wouldn't be at the table alone. She tried not to use some of the moves Marguerite had taught her - she didn't want to seem too sexy with Spike in the room - but she couldn't help it.
He caught her leaving the ladies' room.
"Avoiding me, Red?"
"No - no I was just… I saw some friends and… okay, yes. Maybe."
"Still haven't decided?"
"Spike, I don't think I can…"
He grabbed her hand and pulled her out the door and into the alley. Kissed her soft and slow like he had last night.
"Not gonna hurt ya, Red, I thought you understood that. Just need ta show you how good it can be. It wasn't your fault, why can't you get that through yer noggin? Dogboy wasn't man enough for you. We're not talking 'til death do us part. We're talking about doing what's necessary to show you that yer woman enough fer anybody."
"Necessary?"
"Yes, luv, necessary. Did you really think you could get through these lessons without me layin' a hand on ya? Or you on me? Not gonna push, not gonna go where I'm not wanted. But you need this - need to feel like the sexy woman you are."
"I -"
"What? You afraid of what yer friends will think? Or you afraid to see the other side?"
Willow looked indignant. "I'm not afraid of my friends."
"You want to be the good girl all the time, that it? You want to be the one who follows all the rules and does what people tell her and never lives? Not even for a moment? Never sees how good life could be if you'd just give it a chance?"
"Spike-"
"Give it a chance, luv. Give me a chance. Come home with me - right now. Give Buffy some excuse and let me show ya how good touch can be."
Isn't this what she had told herself last night? Isn't this the temptation she was afraid to give into?
She was so tired of being afraid.
"But -" She paused and he could tell he had her.
"Come on."
He led her back inside and to her table. Buffy and Riley were there and Spike told them, "Found Red comin' out of the ladies with a headache. Got some aspirin back at the crypt - its closer - and then I'm gonna walk 'er home."
Buffy looked concerned. "Are you all right, Wills? Do you want me to come with?"
Willow looked like a deer caught in headlights. "No, I'm - Spike's gonna - It's fine."
"We all settled here?" Spike asked as he grabbed Willow's purse and handed it to her.
"Let's go," Willow said, still filled with trepidation. But Spike had proved last night that he could be trusted and she believed that he wouldn't go any farther if she asked him to stop.
But did she trust herself to ask him to stop if it felt good? That was the question going round and round in her brain as Spike led her out and into the night.
* * * * * * * *
Spike lit a few candles in the crypt and led Willow down to the bottom level - where she knew the bedroom was.
"Spike - "
"Just get undressed and wrap this around ya," he told her, holding out a big white towel. It was pure white and clean and she had a vision of Spike at the all-night laundromat separating out his whites from his black clothing. She had to smile and she nodded as he left and headed back up the ladder. Spike doing laundry didn't seem quite so big and bad.
She could do this, she told herself. Whatever he had in mind, she didn't think it was going to include jumping her or he wouldn't have needed the towel. Heck, Spike could just rip her clothes off if that was what he had in mind. She had decided to trust him and trust him she would.
She undressed quickly, not wanting to chance him coming back while she was still half naked. After securing the towel around herself, she folded her clothes neatly and put them on a chair. She sat on the bed and waited.
In a few minutes she heard him call down from the top floor. "Ya done yet?"
"Yes," she called back up.
He jumped down without even using the ladder and sauntered in with something in his hand. "Lay sideways across the bed on yer front and cover up with the towel. Gonna have a lesson on massage."
"Massage? Okay, but if I fall asleep you'd better wake me up and take me back to the dorm or Buffy'll come looking for me. I don't think you want her to find me asleep in your bed, Spike."
"Luv, if you fall asleep, I'll eat my duster. Obviously, you've never been given a proper massage."
Willow situated herself across Spike's bed and made sure the towel covered everything from neck to ankles.
"I went back to that store and got some of the massage oil you were sniffin' at." He poured some out and rubbed his hands together to evenly coat them. "Hands up here," he instructed, standing near her head.
She put her hands up and let him push the towel down to her waist. She sighed as soon as Spike's sure stroke touched her shoulders and slid down her arms to her fingertips. He did the same move again.
"Trick is to use long strokes from the center of the body out to the ends of the hands, feet or what have you. Pull the stress all the way out. And never stop touching, even if it's just a finger. Lets the person know where the next touch is going to come from. Don't want her to be surprised when yer hand moves suddenly from her hands to her back. Should be a natural progression, top to bottom."
He massaged her shoulders to her fingertips and then moved slowly to her shoulder blades and neck, never letting his hand stop touching her. When he hit the place on the back of her neck that made her shiver, she heard him chuckle.
All Willow could do was moan.
He smiled as he moved down her back, stroking from her lower back all the way up and out - still to her fingertips. Willow felt all the tension in her subside as Spike slowly drew it from her body and let it fall out her fingers. He kept at it, covering her entire back and sides, never quite hitting her breasts.
He kept one hand on her lower back as he moved around the bed to her legs. His hand traveled slowly over her backside and it felt so good that Willow almost regretted that he didn't try to go farther before he started again, pulling the tension from her thighs down and out the very tips of her toes.
Willow kept waiting to fall asleep with every rub, but in contrast, her body felt more invigorated the more relaxed she became. She felt like she could go out patrolling with Buffy and take out a few vamps by herself.
Every stroke, the tips of his fingers would almost touch her center, but never quite hit it. She found herself wishing he would. Badly. The traitorous thought that Oz had never made her want it this badly quickly crossed her mind but she let it go. Oz didn't matter right now.
When she thought she was as relaxed as she could get, the touch came. Her legs were parted and slowly at first - then building until his fingers were more than just a gentle tickle against her. They were slow but sure and the heat built up inside her and she was panting now, wanting more - wanting to know what it would feel like to have Spike make her come with his hands. He had no trouble finding her desperately-needing-to-be-touched clit and she was panting with desire by the time the pads of his fingers caressed it.
Slowly still, round in circles, just teasing the edges until she was ready to scream. As soon as his thumb flicked across it and then applied the much needed pressure, she was coming and he didn't let up until she was done.
He stroked her back as she came down to earth, letting relaxation take over her muscles once again. He listened for her breathing to be even and then he left, let her have the privacy she needed to get dressed again.
They held hands as he walked her home and it wasn't until they were almost at Stephenson Hall before she had the courage to ask what was in store for the next lesson.
"Next time," he promised, "I teach you how to give me a proper massage."