Sex101
Chapter One
"C'mon, Will, there has to be something that will cheer you up," Buffy whined. Buffy and Xander had been keeping an eye on Willow since the 'My Will Be Done' spell. They didn't want her to ever do something like that again.
Oz's defection had done a number on Willow's already lacking self-esteem. The gang understood that Willow was hurting and wanted to do something about it, but they just weren't sure what.
"How about 'Pretty in Pink'? We could go over to Xander's and watch it - we'll make popcorn and everything."
Willow just gave Buffy a withering look. "No, Buffy really. You don't have to babysit me. I'm fine - really. No more unsupervised spells for me, no sirree." She even crossed her heart.
It was getting late on a Thursday night and Willow knew Buffy would have to leave for patrol soon. On one hand, it was sweet of Buffy to offer to give up patrol for the night. But on the other hand, Willow felt stifled with the way Buffy, Xander, Anya and even Giles watched her like a hawk since the spell that had gone horribly wrong.
"I'll say it again, okay? I'm really really really sorry about that spell. I know it was horrible having to kiss Spike but that's not what I wanted to happen. It just went wro-" She stopped when she caught Buffy blushing and smiled. "Maybe it wasn't so terrible?"
Buffy just blushed harder. "Can I tell you something?" Buffy whispered - even though they were safe and alone in their shared dorm room.
Willow was still smiling, "Let me guess. Spike's kisses?"
"Were fantastic!" Buffy confessed, whispering louder than she'd intended. Her voice went back down to a normal whisper. "But you have to swear never to tell anyone I said that, okay? Swear it?"
"Buffy -"
"I'll say you're lying if you even think of mentioning this to Xander - or oh God, Anya! Can you imagine what she'd do with that information?"
Willow hid another smile and pushed her hair back behind her ears. "Buffy, you know I'd never give out confidential information. But even if I did, the blush all over your face - like it is right now - would prove I was telling the truth."
"You have to swear, Willow!" she repeated in a loud whisper. Willow once again crossed her heart. "Your secret's safe with me."
Willow looked at the clock. It was just past eleven.
"Buffy, I'm tired. I just want to study this last chapter for tomorrow's exam and then I'm going to bed. You go patrol; I'll be fine."
After Buffy had left, Willow tried to study, she really did. But her mind kept going back and forth between her studies and trying to imagine what Spike kisses would feel like. Yes, she was devastated by Oz's leaving, but that didn't make her blind. Those lips, those eyes - all focused on her - oh yeah. She found herself blushing almost as much as Buffy was and made herself concentrate on her book.
* * * * * *
Another day, another Willow-sitter. This time it was Anya keeping an eye on her as she researched a demon for Giles. Anya, who was supposed to be helping, was looking through a back issue of Harper's Bazaar.
"So," Anya said when she'd finished her article, "have you gotten that Oz nonsense out of your head yet?"
Willow turned to her. "It isn't nonsense, Anya. I loved him and he cheated on me and then left me. I mean, I know - I kinda sorta cheated on him that time I kissed Xander, but hey - exception for mortal peril. We thought we were going to die. Spike wasn't so… neutered as he is now and he could have and would have killed us."
"Oh please," Anya sneered as she rolled her eyes. "Spike might have killed Xander, but not you. The way he looks at you? If he killed you it would only be temporary. He'd turn you."
"Oh that's so comforting - not. And he doesn't look at me any particular way." She seemed unsure. "Does he?"
Anya giggled. "You really haven't got a clue, have you? Not that it matters, because you'd never let Spike close enough to… you know." She made an embarrassing gesture with her fingers. "Would you?"
Willow sighed. "Of course not! Besides, I'm not over Oz yet, Anya, I'm not even thinking about relationships with other people." Her mind drifted to the day she found Oz and Veruca in the cell together.
"Can I ask you something? Something you can't repeat to anyone, not even Xander."
Anya, delighted to have someone confide in her and treat her like a real friend, put down her magazine and scooted over on the couch next to Willow.
Willow, a little disconcerted by Anya's nearness, continued rather hesitantly.
"You - you're good at… I mean, you know all about -" she made that same hand gesture that Anya had just made.
"I've been around for a very long time and I know quite a lot about sex. I know all the positions and everything. The Kama Sutra's got nothing on the knowledge I have up here." She pointed to her hair which was blonde this week and a little wavy.
"That's - that's good, right? Because I think -" she choked back a sob. "I think the reason Oz left was because I wasn't any good in bed. With the, you know…sex stuff. And Veruca - I'll bet she knew all kinds of stuff that I couldn't even imagine. He was attracted to her as soon as he saw her. And I don't think it was all the wolf connection. She was just sexier than I am and she knew more stuff. More primal stuff I guess."
She had fat tears running down her cheeks now.
"Oz was never really happy with our…time together. There was always something he'd say that I should be doing differently. Mostly we just slept together. As in sleep."
"Well, first times with lovers are always difficult," Anya said, trying to console her. "You have to be with the person and get to know what they like and don't like."
"We only made love three times. In all that time we were together, he usually didn't want to…you know," Willow confessed with a sigh of relief. "But with Veruca, I'll bet he just couldn't wait to-" The tears came faster now. "What's wrong with me? Am I so unappealing or so inexperienced that no man will ever want me again?"
"What you need," Anya advised, "is a teacher. Someone to show you what guys like and how to let guys know what you like. You should get a fuck buddy!" This idea definitely appealed to her. "Someone to teach you the ropes but with no strings attached. Somebody other than Xander of course, because he's mine and I know you've stolen him from someone before and-"
"I don't want Xander, Anya," Willow reassured her.
"Oh. Well that's good since you can't have him. Maybe you could ask Spike to teach you."
Willow's eyes got very wide and she dismissed the idea immediately. "What about you? Couldn't you just give me a few pointers?"
Anya shook her head. "It's not the same. You need someone to really go through all this stuff with you. And Spike doesn't have anybody right now. You two could shag yourselves blind and no one would care. You're not cheating; Oz left you of his own free will. Without even leaving a note. I'd say that makes you single again."
"Yeah, but I'm not sure I'm the…you know," she whispered the rest of her sentence, "sex buddy type."
Anya dismissed that statement with a wave of her hand. "Think of him as your teacher. Just go up to him and ask him to teach you about sex. You know. Things like tab A goes into slot B…"
"I know that part!" Willow exclaimed. "It's the rest I have some trouble with."
"Oh, I'm sure Spike is really good at the other stuff too. Have you seen his hands? Mmm yummy. Usually I don't go for hands, but his are exceptionally nice. And his penis, that's nice too."
At Willow's shocked expression, Anya clarified, "Not that I've ever seen it of course. But when he wears that loose pair of jeans, you know the ones with the hole near the back pocket."
Willow nodded.
"Well haven't you ever looked? That man is hung like a horse. See that's what you need - to get back on the horse!"
Willow couldn't even respond to that - too many images were now fighting for dominance in her mind.
'Spike teach me about sex?', her thoughts betraying her resolve to get Spike out of her head. 'He'd never go for it in a million years.'
* * * * * *
It was another long - meaning demonless - night on the Hellmouth and Spike was trying desperately to enjoy his favorite non-sexual and non-alcoholic pastime but he couldn't. His companions - or rather, one of his companions - was making him want to scream. And for once it wasn't Harris.
"Nine ball in the corner pocket," Spike said as he leaned over and lined up his shot but Anya's latest comment was bolloxing it all up. He should be concentrating on the game, but what Anya had just said was getting in the way. He gave up the shot and stood, looking at her in disbelief.
"Sex is more than just slipping tab A into slot B, Anya. You - of all humans - have to know that."
Anya thought for a moment before replying. Xander had been advising her that humans thought before they spoke so she was trying to follow his rules. "I know that, but that's the best part," she countered. "Everything else is just frosting on the cake. The act itself is the cake, of course."
She knew she was outright lying and Xander wouldn't like that but she had to do something to get Spike to move in Willow's direction.
How Spike had gotten into this conversation, he had no idea, but he wished like Hell that he could get out of it - quickly. Somehow he doubted it, seeing as how this was Anya's one and only train of thought.
He'd been spending a quiet night playing pool at the nearly empty Bronze when in walked dough boy and his demon girlfriend. Since there'd been no other table open, they'd insinuated themselves into his game.
He hadn't fought all that hard; being a chipped vamp who'd lost his bite was a lonely business and he'd thought - oh so naively - that a spot of company might be just the ticket. He hadn't thought that one through obviously.
That had been over an hour ago and now Anya was discussing the finer points of her favorite subject: orgasms.
"It's the foreplay that makes all the difference," Spike replied. He didn't want to have this conversation but since he was going to have to have it anyway - seeing as killing Anya was off the menu - he thought he'd set demon girl straight. For an eleven hundred year old man-hater newly returned to heterosexual activity, she seemed to have a lot of things wrong. Straightening her out would at least be something to do.
"Playing the game: flirting, talking, long sultry looks - they can be fun too - and they can make or break the whole thing," he added.
"Not as much fun as fu-"
"I'm going to get another drink," Xander interrupted. He looked around quickly to see if any other of the Bronze's patrons were listening. Everyone - thankfully - seemed to be preoccupied with their own conversations but you never knew. All this talk of sex was embarrassing him and he silently prayed that no one had overheard this discussion. "I'll be at the bar if anyone needs me - but hopefully you won't," he said as he slunk off.
As soon as he left, Spike sauntered up next to Anya and gave her a meaningful look. She wasn't bad to look at even if she did have horrible taste in men.
"Dump the chump and I'll show you what I'm talking about." Those eyes and that mouth promised things she wished she could indulge in - damn Xander and his stupid human rules.
Anya just shook her head. "No," she pouted. "I like Xander and he's very into monogamy. I tried to get him into a threesome with this hot guy I saw once but he was definitely against it. I even tried for another girl but he said no again and gave me this whole boring speech about how 'normal' humans don't do that sort of thing. I told him I'd been around for over a millennium and had seen it quite often but you know Xander. He hates it when I talk about my vengeance days."
She pouted again, this time with a heavy sigh attached. "Besides, you're more of a one night stand kind of guy since Drusilla and then Harmony dumped you and I like it that Xander wants to be here for the long haul." Her face lit up with an idea.
"Why don't you try your stuff out on Willow? Oz dumped her and you know how badly she's taking it; she could use some cheering up." She smiled like she had when a good vengeance scheme came together. "I'll bet you that you can't get Willow into bed and keep her happy for a month without using your penis. Inside her, I mean."
It was so easy to manipulate Spike. She needed Spike and Willow together as soon as possible and since Willow had taken the bait - Anya hoped - she was sure she could convince Spike to make a move.
Spike started to consider it and then stopped.
Willow.
Now there was a bad idea. Not that he hadn't considered her before - and on more than one occasion - but there were so many drawbacks.
"She's not the right kind of girl to play with," he responded. "She's too moody and serious lately. Kind of reminds me of my sire. Let's send her down to LA and let them be depressing together." As a spur of the moment idea, he thought it was a good one.
Although, in afterthought, he didn't like the idea of Willow getting chummy with the poof.
Anya would not be dissuaded. "No, Spike. You should be the one to get her out of her funk. Besides, she'd have to leave Buffy if she went to LA and she won't do that. I know, I've suggested it - many times. I think anyone Xander used to have a thing with should move far away from Sunnydale, but nobody listens to me."
"The slayer will stake me, and maybe you too, if she ever gets wind of a bet like that. How about one of the other birds here?" He looked around and saw a promising looking specimen sitting by herself in the corner. "What about her?" he asked, pointing to a busty brunette.
"No," Anya replied. "She looks too easy. You need someone that's a challenge. That slut looks like she'd be thrilled to be with anybody."
Spike shrugged but looked around for another likely prospect. Just as he started to point out another one, Anya interrupted.
"Come on, Spike - you're all talk and no action. It's Willow or nothing, Buffy will never know. If you're as good as you think you are then there shouldn't be any problem."
'That was just it', he thought. Was he as good as he once was? It had been…a while; longer than he cared to think about. And Dru's desertion had hit him harder than he'd like to admit. The old confidence was nearly gone.
He'd once been very good at seduction but he was out of practice. Could something like that get rusty? Maybe it was like riding a bicycle and it came back to you once you got on for a good long ride. But then, he'd never ridden a bicycle; maybe it was harder than it looked.
And Willow?
No, she was the commitment type. You couldn't play with her for a while and then put her back on the shelf if it started getting old.
"Pick somebody else," he pleaded but Anya just smiled. "You two could be good for each other. You can be her rebound guy!" She was excited about this now. It looked like her plan was definitely working. "Come on, Spike, what could it hurt?"
'It could hurt a lot', he thought. 'It could hurt Willow, if she didn't get that this was just a game. It could hurt him, if the Slayer staked him for messing with her best friend. It could hurt -'
"I'll bet you a wish that you can't do it."
He hadn't really been paying attention and didn't quite catch what Anya had said - something about a wish? - but she just kept talking.
"I have lots of friends still in the Vengeance world. I'll bet you a wish that you can't keep Willow happy for a month without doing the deed itself. I don't think you can do it - and I don't think you think you can do it."
That was a challenge he'd never live down. 'A wish? Any wish?'
Could he wish the chip away?
"And what do you get if you win - not that you're going to."
She eyed him up and down. "I get your coat."
"No way am I letting you-"
"See, told you you couldn't do it."
His coat. Right. He'd better win this bet.
"Make it a fortnight and you've got yerself a deal. Any longer and the slayer'll find out and stake me. That wish won't do me any good if I'm dust."
"All right. Two weeks from the moment you get her to kiss you." This was so much easier than she'd anticipated. Willow at least had put up a fight.
Two weeks until the chip was out and he could be gone from this god forsaken town.
"Piece of cake."