The Right Kind Of Wrong


pairing: Spike/Willow
rating: MA
genre: Human AU romance
warnings: condomless sex: I'm warning you in advance so don't complain - there are no STDs in my world


Chapter One

Willow missed the curls of smoke that used to fill the air of the bar. They added atmosphere and helped you hide from any attention. Now there was nothing there to fill the space and all that remained was the scrutiny of strangers.

Well, the scrutiny of one stranger in particular. She'd noticed him when she first sat down with Amy. Amy's new book was coming along nicely and they'd come to Baxter's to have a drink and celebrate. Many of the editors brought authors here for meetings; it was close to work and had a well-stocked bar.

She thought, for a while, that the great-looking guy with the flaxen hair was watching Amy but after the author's departure, when his eyes didn't stray, she knew she'd been wrong. They still looked in her direction.

She saw him watching her and she thought she might like to have just a little bit of courage. Enough to go up and talk to him anyway. Just this once, she'd wished she were braver; someone who took chances and spoke to men in bars.

She tried not to look at him, she really did. Those intense blue eyes would be her undoing, she just knew it. She tried not to think that he probably smelled like a combination of whiskey and leather and some unnamable masculine aroma. So she stared at the bar and tried to listen in on any of the myriad of conversations around her, anything to stop thinking about the man who kept her riveted to her seat. She was afraid to even move, nothing to give away that he made her uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in a way she hadn't felt in a long time, a feeling that made her too warm in her sleeveless cotton dress, a feeling that made her squirm and made her breath come faster.

She wanted to leave but then she didn't. Just a little courage, goddess, is that too much to ask?

But none came and she convinced herself that he wasn't looking at her, but instead at some unknown woman over her shoulder.

She was wrong.


He had her attention. Good.

Now what to do? He had a feeling that he would have to be careful with this one.

Spike knew what he'd like to do. He'd like to pull her in the back room and fuck her brains out but that would probably be a bad idea. Why was he getting all primal anyway? Just the sight of her did things to his body that he hadn't felt in a long time. Not since Drusilla.

Nice girls like her didn't go for things like that anyway.

Or did they? Her blush every time he caught her eye made him wonder.

He'd been watching and waiting, trying to get just the right opportunity to make a move. He'd seen her before, of course, how could you miss that shiny copper hair? But she'd never noticed him, or never let on if she did.

He saw her bolstering her courage, but whether that courage was for him or not, he wasn't sure. He wanted to send a drink her way but after one glass of champagne, she'd been drinking water all night. Smart girl. Best not to get soused when doing business.

All the beer he'd been drinking made him have to use the restroom and when he came out, she was gone.


The morning was going way too slowly. The meeting in Giles' office wasn't the usual busy exchange of ideas. The whole gang seemed just as apathetic as Willow was. It must have been a long sleepless night for many of them too. Buffy tried to get her attention several times but Willow seemed much more interested in her morning coffee.

Since she had been preoccupied during the morning meeting, Buffy felt compelled - as her best friend - to call her on it during lunch.

They sat in the coffee bar three doors down from their office, as they did every Tuesday and Thursday of the week. It was a weekly ritual. Mondays they worked through lunch because their reports were due Monday afternoons.

Tuesdays and Thursdays, like clockwork, they went to the coffee bar where their friend Tara worked.

Wednesdays and Fridays were author meeting days and were usually taken up by meetings and appointments. If they were both free for lunch on a Wednesday or Friday, they usually just grabbed something quick before rushing back for another meeting.

But today, being Thursday, found them huddled in a corner booth at Coffee NOW! while Tara waited on customers.

"Where has your head been all morning?"

"What?" Willow asked, clearly not paying attention and Buffy laughed.

"Case in point," and then she laughed again. "Where have you been all morning? Because you clearly weren't there for Giles' morning pep talk."

Willow shrugged. "I sort of have something on my mind."

"Is he tall and dark and working in the Architecture Department?"

She was referring, of course, to Willow's perpetual crush on Xander Harris, the cute guy that worked in another department at Giles' Publishing.

Willow, however, hadn't thought about Xander even once that morning and said so.

Buffy was shocked. "So there's a new guy?" Her eyes were alight with curiosity. "Tell me! Don't hold back, tell me everything!"

Buffy had a knack for gossip and even though she would never spill Willow's secrets, she could always tell when there was one hiding out there for her to discover.

"There is no new guy," Willow answered, sighing. "Not really."

Buffy wasn't going to give up that easily. "So then in what way is there a new guy? Because I know there is. I can sense these things."

Willow smiled and chuckled. "There's no new guy. I don't even know his name. It's just a guy I saw in Baxter's last night. He wasn't even looking at me. "

Buffy knew a hint when she heard one. "Then who was he looking at?"

"I don't know. Somebody over my shoulder, I guess. He was just so -" she couldn't find a word, "so - I can't even describe - deep blue eyes, pale blond hair - cheekbones so sharp they looked as if they could cut glass -"

"I think I know that guy," Buffy said casually and Willow jumped. "Really?"

Buffy giggled and admitted, "No, I was just teasing. I wanted to see how serious you were. And that little jump looked serious to me."

Willow shook her head and her red curls fluttered around her face. She hadn't been able to sleep so she'd spent a good deal of the morning playing with a new hairstyle. "No, guys like that don't fall for women like me. They fall for blondes who wear short skirts and have legs up to their eyeballs."

Buffy chided her friend for her lack of self-confidence. "He could so fall for you if you ever got enough chutzpah to talk to him."

"I have no chutzpah," Willow joked. "When they were giving it out I let you cut in front of me and they ran out after you."

"Know what? I think we should go to Baxter's after work and see if we can't find Mr. Wonderful. I'd like to see the guy that made you forget about Xander."

Knowing (hoping) that he hadn't been looking at her the night before, and therefore he would not think she was stalking him, Willow agreed, and seven o'clock found Willow and Buffy in a booth in the back of Baxter's Pub, finishing up their dinners.

Willow didn't want to admit that she was dying to see him again, even though her flushed face said it for her.

They sat and talked until after ten, but the mystery man never showed up.

"Maybe he's only here on Wednesday nights. We should come back next week," Buffy offered, seeing the disappointment in her friend's eyes.

"Maybe," Willow agreed, but her heart wasn't in it. This was like reaching for the clouds, not an easy thing when you were only five foot four.

"Come on, Wills, don't give up."

Willow sighed. "He wasn't looking at me anyway. I don't know why I'm even bothering."

"Because you're curious, that's only natural. Come on, say you'll come with me next week."

Willow acquiesced, even though she knew it was hopeless. But then, what else did she have to do on Wednesday nights?


The following week was a busy one and Willow almost forgot all about going to Baxter's on Wednesday. She hoped Buffy had forgotten about it, but Buffy remembered and she reminded Willow after the morning meeting.

"Ready for tonight?"

Willow didn't look up from her notes on Marcy Ross' new book. She wasn't going to play along. "What's tonight?"

"Baxter's? Mr. Wonderful? Ringing any bells here, Will?"

It felt as if the bland beige office walls were closing in on her. She couldn't go through with it. She'd spent a sleepless week thinking about him and didn't have the courage to face him after all the fantasies she'd concocted with him in the starring role.

"Buffy, no. Please? Let's just leave it alone. It's not like anything could ever happen." She held firm to her resolve. "I'm not going." He was better off living in her head, a fantasy she could pull out when she wanted. The real thing, especially if she had to watch him leave the bar with another woman, would never live up to what she made him out to be in her mind.

Buffy smiled, seeing right through Willow's ploy. This girl really needs some confidence. "Well, I'm going. I want to see him." Then she walked away.

Willow blew out a breath. She was going. If he got a look at Buffy and fell in love, she'd have to kill herself. She couldn't live with watching her best friend make goofy eyes at the most beautiful man she'd ever seen in her life. After all, she'd seen him first, right? There had to be some law about that.

She found out that Buffy planned to be there around eight so Willow had time to go home and change, but what did one wear to a - a what? A 'making sure your best friend knew you had a proprietary claim on a man you've never met'?

She wondered briefly if they sold cards for that, then laughed at herself for even thinking it.

She put on her emerald green halter dress - the one that matched her eyes - and went out, prepared to leave immediately if he were really there. Probably.

Willow didn't think she'd be able to get a single word out even if he came up and spoke to her. The fantasies she'd made up in her head would make her speechless if faced with the real thing.

Maybe a drink or two would help. No more than three glasses of wine, she promised herself. Any more than that and Buffy wouldn't even need to push very hard. And then she'd probably trip and fall before she got to him. She never had been particularly sophisticated when it came to meeting new men.

As she left, she wondered if they gave classes on that. If not, they should.

Chapter Two

It was almost ten before he showed up. In the same black duster, the same (seemingly) tight black jeans. The same intense eyes that had to be looking at someone other than her.

She ordered her fourth glass of Pinot Noir.

"Willow, he's looking at you."

"Shh, no he's not," Willow said emphatically, not even turning around to look. This had been a very bad idea. She supposed that in the back of her mind she hadn't really expected him to show up, making it safe to come without being embarrassed. But having Buffy know she was lusting after this guy made her humiliation complete.

Buffy looked at Willow, who seemed to be holding her breath, trying to lose consciousness.

"Breathe, Will. Deep breaths, okay?"

Willow hid her face deeper in her hands. This was ridiculous. Here she was, a grown woman almost thirty years old and she was panting after some hot guy she saw in a bar. How pathetic could her life get?

"Buffy, we have to leave."

Buffy just smiled in return. "We're not going anywhere. You haven't gotten any since Oz left and you're damn well not going to pass up an opportunity as good as this one. What's that saying about not looking a gift horse in the… eyes, or maybe its mouth. Although why you would look at a horse's mouth is beyond me."

Willow was flabbergasted. "You want me to… with a complete stranger? Buffy, are you out of your mind?"

"Maybe. I just think you should give up your good girl persona and live for one night. Give him a try. How do you know, he may end up being the great love of your life." She shrugged. "Or he may just be the best memory you have in your old age, who knows? But you'll never know unless you go back there and talk to him." Willow looked about to panic, so Buffy handed Willow her own vodka and tonic and told her to drink up.

Willow, going on nothing but instinct at this point, downed it in one swallow.

"I'm going home," Buffy told her after another look at the gorgeous stranger who seemed consumed by her best friend. "Grow some balls, Will. Go talk to him. And if he wants to kiss you - let him." Buffy grabbed her purse and before Willow could utter a response, she was gone.

The vodka settled in her stomach and warmth permeated her body. Talk to him. Not a bad idea, really she thought as the liquor calmed her nerves. Just 'hello' couldn't hurt, right? She turned and looked and he was still there, still watching her, still with that intense look that made her knees turn to jello.

She noticed that he was sitting near the restrooms.

If she chickened out, she could just walk past him and head to the ladies room.

With wobbly knees - and liquor-infused courage - she stood and turned toward the back of the bar. She couldn't believe she was doing this, couldn't believe she let Buffy talk her into this. The bar seemed to grow quiet, the sound of her own heartbeat getting louder with every step.

He was everything her mother had warned her about, and that, unfortunately, was part of the attraction. Black clothes from head to toe, intensity flowing off of him in waves. That coat and those eyes. He had the bad boy thing down but good. He was gorgeous and he had to know it. She wondered if he rode a motorcycle. That would complete her mother's estimation of all things to avoid in a man.

Right now, she didn't care. She hadn't even spoken to him yet and every nerve in her body was on high alert. Her skin seemed to hum just from the look in his eyes. Good girl be damned, her inebriated mind told her, she wanted this man and she wanted him now.

Probably not the best thing to say right off the bat though she thought as she took another step.

If he wants to kiss you, let him. Buffy's words echoed through her mind. She was just going to say hello and see what happened. She finally reached his bar stool and stopped, trying to remember what she'd been about to say, but he spoke first.

"I had a dream about you last night," he told her. She didn't know how to reply to that so she said nothing, just rubbed her hands together in a nervous gesture. He smiled and Willow's knees got weak again. He took hold of one of her hands, stopping the nervous twisting of her fingers.

He didn't say anything else, just looked at her in that way that made her sweat. Why was this urge to touch him so inescapable?

He seemed to see something in her eyes because he stood and led her to the back and through a door marked 'Employees Only'. It was the door to the storeroom and he shut the door behind her, locked it, and backed her into the wall, leaning very close. It smelled like stale beer in the room but as he got closer she could only see and smell him. Whiskey and leather and cigarettes and something indefinable. It was even more intoxicating than the vodka flowing through her system.

"Did you dream about me?" he asked, but he didn't wait for an answer, he leaned in and placed a small kiss on her shoulder.

Willow's body burned and she felt on fire where his lips touched her skin.

If he wants to kiss you, let him.

She didn't think this was what Buffy had meant but her brain wasn't working well enough right now to be able to stop him. As if she would want to anyway.

Drop the good girl persona Buffy had said.

She wanted to follow Buffy's advice, just for tonight. This man was the fuel to her fantasies and he was right here, right now, and he was kissing her. She wanted him so badly she could taste it.

When his lips touched her jaw, she stopped thinking and let her body take over.

Just this once. Just for one night. she told herself, thereby giving herself permission for what was to come.

When his lips touched hers, her hands slid up his arms and she felt the strength of him under her fingertips. Her hands slipped under the leather coat and he shrugged, letting the coat fall to the floor.

"Do you want this?" he asked as one finger skimmed her collarbone. She should say no. She should run screaming from the room. She should do something, anything to get out of this room and away from this man. She'd never had casual sex in her life and here she was losing herself in a man she didn't even know.

Drop the good girl persona. Buffy had said.

Maybe she should listen to Buffy for once. Would it be so bad to see where this might lead?

The alcohol was making her brave; braver than she'd ever been before. For once she would take a chance.

She nodded.

That one small action changed her world.

Chapter Three

All her fantasies came flying to mind and here he was to make them come true.

His mouth opened over hers and it took no cajoling to get her tongue to meet his. He tasted like the whiskey he'd been drinking and it made her want more of him. The fingers on her collarbone skimmed down her chest and her skin burned as his fingers ghosted a trail down the side of her breast.

His mouth was warm and soft, yet his kisses demanded all her attention. He had a way of kissing that made her feel as if she were floating, as if the real world were far below her and nothing in that world would ever matter as much as this did.

Her body burned for him, his teasing caresses left her skin hot where his fingers lingered over her body. She wanted more.

His other hand found the clasp on her halter and let the fabric drop, baring her to his eyes and mouth and hands.

It felt strange to realize she was still wearing clothes because she felt naked before him, like he could see through her clothes, through her skin, down to the woman that fought for life deep inside. The one who was in control now, the one who didn't care if this was wrong.

Her other self, the one she wore everyday, would probably be sorry tomorrow but she wasn't letting that one take over now.

What was the saying? If this is wrong then I don't want to be right? She wanted him and he obviously wanted her; that was all that mattered right now. His kisses were drugging her and that floaty feeling was taking over.

His hand was moving down her body; she wanted to feel his skin against her, so she lifted his black t-shirt up and over his head and let it drop to the floor. His hand moved back down her hip and over her backside to her leg, where he pulled up the skirt of her dress, inch by tiny inch as he held her closer and she could feel the length of him against her stomach.

If that was any indication, he was just as worked up as she was. Her confidence grew as she realized that a woman like her could indeed draw the desire of someone like him.

When his hand touched her bare thigh she felt tingles running up and down her spine. She'd never felt like this with the two people she'd loved that she'd made love to. Nothing like the heat that flowed through her now had ever infused her before. Nothing had ever made her feel the way she felt when he touched her.

His hands made their way back up her body as her hands slid up his chest. She liked the new Willow, the one brave enough to be touching this man.

She closed her eyes as his hands slid around her body and she held her breath as his lips once again found her neck. The heat of him was getting to her.

He let his hand skim her breast and he felt her nipple harden beneath his palm. He cupped her breast, liking the weight of it and the softness.

His mouth moved to her neck, down and her throat and into the space between her breasts; she tasted salty and sweet, even better than he'd imagined.

He needed to taste her mouth again and lifted his head to kiss her.

Willow's body was aflame. The way he touched her, the way he kissed her - it was all working together to undermine her good sense. This was passion; this was what she'd been missing in her life.

Her nails scratched a trail down his back and he hissed in pleasure so she did it again. She would take her cues from him - what he liked, what he didn't.

Her fingers ran across his chest and down his stomach. All tight muscle. Just soft, smooth skin and muscle.

His hand moved across her breast and down to her waist as his right arm pulled her closer. He loved the softness of her, the curves, and he smiled as she sighed in his embrace.

He couldn't decide which he liked more: her full pink lips or the look in her green eyes. She was getting lost in him and the reality of it was a heady thing.

His hand slid down to her leg again and inched her skirt up so that he could feel the heat of her. He wasn't surprised to find damp panties under there and he smiled against her skin as he realized that he had made her that way.

One finger slid under the cloth and he had to hold her a little tighter as her knees got weak.

He dropped to his knees and kissed the skin above her panties, letting that one finger slide back and forth under the silk. She balanced herself by putting her hands on his shoulders and the strength in them made her warm all over again.

He wanted to be gentle with her, he wanted to go slow, but his body was making demands that his good intentions couldn't satisfy. He wanted to take her right now.

But he also wanted to show her what kind of a man he could be, the kind of man who would be gentle, the kind of man that she could love, so he made his brain slow his body and tasted her skin once again.

He hooked a finger into each side of her panties and pulled them down to puddle on the floor. His tongue licked a trail from her navel to her center and the way she moaned gave him new confidence. Spreading her with his thumbs, he sucked her into his mouth and reveled in the feel and the taste of her.

A few small licks had her coming and he stood and unbuckled his belt before unbuttoning his jeans. She looked like a debauched goddess as he lifted her with both arms and slid himself inside, pressing her back into the wall.

"Ride me," he commanded, but softly, as if he would die if she didn't.

Resting her hands on his shoulders, she lifted herself oh so slightly and then let herself drop back down. The way his eyes almost rolled back in his head made her smile and she gathered her courage and lifted herself once again, this time a little higher.

Each new thrust was empowering and Willow became braver every time she sheathed him. She'd never felt anything in her life like she did with this man; like a woman and a goddess in one.

She felt truly sexy in his arms, something no other lover had ever done for her. His kisses alone felt like fire and passion and now this - she felt complete, like this was what she'd always been meant to be.

He went a little deeper and all thought left her mind, nothing but the feel of him inside her registered. She moaned and held on tighter as his lips demanded her attention once again. His kisses alone were drugging but the kiss together with the way he felt inside her made the tightness inside her body intensify.

She broke the kiss to catch her breath and she felt like she was about to explode. One more thrust and she was breaking apart into a million pieces as he took her to a high she'd never reached before. She felt him come within her and it made her body quiver in places she hadn't known were there before.

They stood there, breathing hard, each one not wanting to break contact.

Until it hit Willow that she'd just had sex with a man she barely knew. She squirmed and he took the hint and backed off, letting her feet fall to the floor.

"I can't believe I - Oh my god," she cried.

"Shh," he whispered, trying to ease her distress. "It's all right. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I - " The memories came flooding back and she couldn't help but smile.

"It was beautiful, pet, nothing to distress yerself over."

"Are you - have you been - do you do this a lot?"

"Never," he promised.

"Then why me?"

"Because I've been wanting to ever since the first time I saw you."

She felt cold and looked down at herself, halter undone and panties on the floor and she couldn't believe what she - they - had just done.

"I can't -" but she didn't finish her thought, just retied her halter and let him lift her panties back into place. As he buttoned up his jeans the reality of what happened was too much for her and she ran from the room, not looking back, not thinking about the repercussions of it all.

She just left, walked out the door and drove away.

Chapter Four

She drove home, still wondering what had possessed her to do that with a man she didn't know. She was driven by instinct, just doing what felt right for the first time in her life. She wanted to feel guilt but the guilt just wouldn't come. It had been miraculous, unlike any experience of her life.

Even though it could never be repeated - and that made her sad. She'd never see that guy again - she realized then that she didn't know his name. She'd had a one night stand with a complete stranger and it thrilled her to know she'd been courageous enough - for the first time in her life - to do something that daring…and potentially stupid. No, it could never be repeated, and that made it all the more precious a memory.

Buffy had said he might end up being the best memory of her life and Willow let herself fall asleep knowing he would be just that.

She woke up early the next morning and again tried to feel guilty but the feeling just wouldn't come. She almost wanted to shout from the rooftops that she'd have the most incredible experience of her life last night.

She wanted to - had to - tell somebody and Buffy's face came to mind. She had a friend she could share this with, someone who wouldn't judge her and make her feel bad about it.


The morning was a busy one, with Giles' morning catch up session and then proofreading the final copies of two new books. She passed Xander Harris in the hall twice that morning and she smiled, finding that she no longer had any desire for him at all.

All her fantasies would now be taken up by a blond-haired, blue-eyed stranger who'd given her the best night of her life. She wished she'd gotten his name.

She knew how the world worked and if he was like every other man she knew, she wouldn't have to avoid him, he'd be avoiding her, not wanting her to try to make their time into anything other that what it was - a one time only thing. She got that, she really did, even if it did make her a little sad.

She stopped thinking and went back to work, putting all thoughts of last night as far out of her mind as she could. She'd bring it all back when she told Buffy at lunch, but for now, she had work to do.


Buffy wasn't just surprised, she was flabbergasted. She was also the voice of reason.

"You - are you on the pill or anything?"

"Yes, I know, I thought about that. Not at the time, of course, but afterward. I'm still on the pill. I got so used to taking it that after Oz left, I never stopped."

"Well that's good. Are you sure you never want to see him again because maybe - from the way it sounds - "

Willow cut her off. "It was a one-night stand, Buffy, really. If he wanted more, he would have at least introduced himself. And that's fine. Not that I'm now going to go around sleeping with every guy I see. It was one-time only for me, I may have done it once but I'm not fool enough to take it up as a lifestyle."

"Well that's good. But I think you should see this guy again. You know he hangs out at Baxter's -"

"I'm not going to embarrass myself by making more of this than it was. If I have to go to Baxter's to meet an author, I'll stay as long as I have to, but I won't be hanging around waiting for crumbs."

"Maybe he-" Buffy tried to intervene on his behalf.

"No, Buffy, I won't be seeing my mystery man again. Ever."

Once again, she was wrong.


She sat Angel O'Connor's manuscript aside and answered her cell phone. It was another author, wanting to set up another meeting for the following Wednesday. She made the appointment then hung up and looked at the clock. It was after eight. Everyone was probably gone, she thought. She'd stayed late again, getting so caught up in a story that she hadn't checked the time. She got up to get another cup of coffee and saw another light on down the hall. Somebody must still be here.

She went back to proofing the manuscript. She loved Angel's crime books, so full of suspense and his vampire private detective was always able to stop the bad guy just in time. She wished -

"Hello, luv."

Even though they'd said very little the night before, she knew that voice. She looked up and there he was, standing just inside the doorway to her office. Looking just like he had the night before only this time in blue jeans and a cream colored sweater. Some of the dark mystery was gone without the black clothes but now he looked so much more human and real.

"How did you - "

"I came in to drop off some notes on my book to Riley Finn."

"Riley, you know Riley?" She was babbling, she knew, but she'd been so surprised by his being there that she didn't know what to say.

"Yeah. He edits my books."

"Books?" She was still in shock.

Instead of answering her he came in and shut the door behind him. He walked around her desk and pulled her to her feet.

"I missed you. After you left last night. I wanted explain but - well, you didn't give me any chance."


"I wasn't trying to get you into a one night stand. I've seen you, seen you around the office here. I tried to get your attention once in the elevator but you were talking to a petite blonde and I didn't want to interrupt, it sounded important. I'd seen you in Baxter's a couple of times and one night last week you finally noticed me."

"You were trying to - you saw me before?"

"Yeah and I asked Riley about you. Said you were an editor here."

"So I wasn't a one night stand?"

"Not if you don't want to be."

She smiled. "I don't want to be." As much as she wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, she was afraid to rush it. "How about we have dinner and we discuss it?"

"How about you kiss me so I don't have to ravish you again? I'm not sure I can make it all the way through dinner."

The End